Storyteller – Outlook


“I can see the end”, I reassured myself. The white satin and the typical disinfectant smile never helped lift my spirits. It was almost there – Death. I wasn’t afraid of death so I really had no issues with the entire scene. I rerun the seasons of life the same way I used to watch soaps. I was wrong everywhere.

“I want to die soon”, I bragged among several others. Some ridiculed it while others envied the thought. Some tried to shake sense into me while others accepted it as my cry for attention. But nonetheless I wanted it so bad, that I tried to write sorrow into my life. I rewrote those hundreds of joyous events into sad disasters. Events where all I had to do was be there for them and I chose not to, so that I can cry over the loss and regret the mistake.

Close friends took it as ego while others pitied me, but it worked according to the plan. Some ditched me while others wore silence but everyone expressed their dislike. The first burst of pain bruised the ego and swept across a cool breeze. I enjoyed the cool air gushing through my face and decided to walk the long trail.

But one thing I bitched more than anything else is that I haven’t regretted any decision and will never do. I knew it was a lie every time I announced it, but I felt it was the right thing to do then. Then why is the agony of losing, sacrificing and sharing today a bigger pain to my last few breaths of hope. Everything that I did to avoid this day seems to be its greatest source. My eyes wants to shy away from the faces that once cast impressions that took many a time to erase, but pity as it seems, fails to do so. Words that bore my crown got choked down the alley and tears that never stopped flow seemed to dry.

I wasn’t feeling all that well. Familiar faces crushed my defense and my pity state tore my attack. Shunning all glamour and pride, I lay there, before them for one last time. They sympathized, cried, talked and crushed their egos to mend the bridge between our lost worlds.

(To be cont- need to decide before I pen it and then stick to it.) 

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