Roll Call


Time and again I have done this, the roll call, to see who is new in the list and who have been the latest deletions. There has barely been a period which has seen deletions reappear for the last decade or so. This time it has been different.

Some old faces resurfaced and connections were made, maybe not with the same intensity that existed but nonetheless they were reconnected. Partly the change I believe is the change that has come in me. I have changed dramatically and I can be sure of it because I have felt the difference.

The great saga of expectations barely remains and puts me in a better state of affairs. Some even earned the integrity of retaining their previous roll numbers and classes. It always nice to know they still believed.

But this post is for something else. I have always been the sole person responsible for these distances. I have created pain and distrusted their friendship. My so called mood swings played the critical role. My forceful absence of communication worsened the situation.

I was sure someday I was going to taste my own medicine. And so did I. I must say it was grand because I had developed a close liking for this person. I went against norms to try to reconnect but seemed like everything fell on deaf ears. That’s when I realized the pain and agony I have caused. It is easier to preach than practice. I learned it eventually not that I didn’t know about it earlier but conveniently ignored.

Having said so, I hold no hard feelings and wish the best for all future endeavors. But the time has come for a roll call. The question is not whether it is right or wrong. The question is not about victory of self or ego. The deletion has to be made because it is a question of my survival. I appreciate all the moments we have spent and memories shared. Remembered you will be, all my lifetime, but see or talk we shall not.

Lesser Man.

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